7 lessons from radical rest
Let's disrupt making life harder for ourselves
1/25/2024 update: Podcast episode mentioned below embedded for your convenience!
I am one week removed from my month of radical rest. To the surprise of no one, I have thoughts.
On Thursday, you can listen to an audio version of what I’m going to share below. This podcast episode—which I will embed in this post when the pod goes live—also includes a report out on some of the things I prioritized during my slow gear month, in the four categories of tasks I identified in the post, What on earth are you doing? I cover a range of satisfying, small things as well as some revelations on the realities around seemingly impossible next-level adulting tasks.
These 7 lessons are relevant whether you have the potential for 15 minutes of rest or a longer stretch. I’m so grateful for how the space of this period of time helped me learn new things or see things I believed to be true with deeper clarity.
#1 You deserve rest, bottom line
After I posted my piece on the radical act of rest, someone asked if I had read Rest Is Resistance by Tricia Hersey. I had not and am currently reading it and one thing Hersey makes clear is that the whole narrative around needing to “earn” rest is nonsense. On page 60, Hersey writes:
“As a culture, we don’t know how to rest, and our understanding of rest has been influenced by the toxicity of grind culture. We believe rest is a luxury, privilege, and an extra treat we can give to ourselves after suffering from exhaustion and sleep deprivation. Rest isn’t a luxury, but an absolute necessity if we’re going to survive and thrive. Rest isn’t an afterthought, but a basic part of being human.”
I found this excerpt particular humbling because I definitely felt the potential for criticism in my sharing about my month of radical rest. Indeed, here on Substack I framed it as a privilege and something that I worked very hard to make happen. Tricia Hersey definitely gave me some food for reframing here.
#2 Protect open space with loving ferocity
One trap I could have fallen in during the timing of my period of rest (December 15-January 15) was doing MORE over the holidays. And whether it is the holidays or some other time, my new mantra is “protect open space with loving ferocity.”
I thought a lot about this potential trap last month. I have childhood holiday trauma that has always left me very protective of that time of year. I probably err on the side aggressively avoiding potential sources of chaos AND I really want to—no, need to—focus on the things that feel good and bring me joy.
During the holiday break, I needed to reckon with protecting my space when our travel plans shifted around. I had already set boundaries on our plans and what we could—and could not—do but then all of a sudden, because of the change in timing, we could have gone the extra mile to tack on another engagement, and I definitely wrestled with it. Ultimately, I was like NO, hold the line. I just needed to trust that that was OK and let go of worrying about whether or not people would judge me—because hello, that is something over which I have zero control. And I was honest about it and it worked out just fine. And better than fine really because I know that if I had gone that extra mile I would have been exhausted and possibly resentful after.
#3 Rest can help you reframe how you think about getting things done
As I described in the post, What on earth are you doing?, I experimented with a major operational shift in how I get things done and I loved it!
It is not surprising that I set up a project in Todoist (my to-do app) called “🦄 Slow Gear Month! 🦄” and set up categories for Personal, Kids, Holiday, and Professional (Todoist is like my second brain). I populated the lists as I thought of things on the fly. But the big shift was that unless something was time sensitive, like a social engagement, I did NOT assign it a due date. I just wanted to be able to look at the board each morning and see what felt fun or inspiring to tackle as I went. It was akin to a mindfulness exercise and ended up being a really fantastic way to operate.
#4 Relationships are everything
This is not new news and we are in an era where people struggle so much with connection. Indeed, friendships are a common source of questions via my podcast. And I know that one source of kryptonite for me is getting so in the weeds with work that I lose sight of human connection.
As a result, one of my big priorities during this month was time with people and really sinking into the ability to connect. And so, I flipped a lot of “we should get togethers” into actually getting together. I booked coffee or lunch dates, with a cheerful “let’s make it happen!” determination in particular for friends where we have been struggling to schedule. I caught up with friends from afar by phone or Zoom. I connected with my in-laws and my family of origin around the holidays, including a beautiful first time ever visit to see the Boston Pops for their holiday show. As a former semi-pro violinist who has played at Symphony Hall it was so very moving to experience this concert environment with my kids. I spent a lot of time with Jon, Laurel, Violet, and James. It was the best.
#5 Rest offers the capacity to feel and notice
Back in the summer after my big leap from uncertainty, I shared a post called Season of noticing; I felt like my transition of going from 150 to 45 mph resulted in the space for me to engage in a remarkable season of noticing. It reminded me of when I first got glasses in the fourth grade—on the ride home I hung my head out the window in awe over being able to see details like the gravel in the pavement and the leaf outlines in passing trees. It’s one reason why space is so important; it provides the capacity for more awe over the small things, which is so wonderful.
More recently, I shared a post called Reframing convalescing. Right at the tail end of my month of radical rest, I needed to be in convalescing care mode for both of my kids, and then I also ended up getting knocked out by the second shingles vaccine dose. In addition to experiencing the good in leaning into my own convalescing, the experience opened my eyes to something else—how I notice and give to others.
#6 Having space allowed me to stop being ridiculous about ridiculous things
I think the pandemic messed with how I think about basic occurrences in the outside world, both from a scarcity in opportunity perspective and a people’ing perspective.
For example, pre-pandemic I used to get my hair cut two to three times a year. My hair grows fast and it is very thick, so I just followed with appointments when I needed them. But then when the pandemic hit, salon visits were off the table and I even ended up lopping off my hair with a pair of dog grooming scissors. When it was finally fine to go back to salons, I still would only book scarcely, which ended up being once a year even though my hair would be aggravating me well before that.
This break offered a little reset; I didn’t have the no time excuse. I could easily go during a less busy time. I just did it and stopped being ridiculous. It felt great.
#7 Rest can help you reclaim your work joy
I intentionally did not set goals or build anything new during my month off. I really loved the slow pace and I was actually a little nervous about returning to consulting given how much I loved my time off. But then on my first day back I had my first client call of the year and I felt so energized to use my creative skills to solve problems, which was just delightful and joyful.
I hope something here resonates with you and inspires you to reclaim a pocket of rest. You most definitely deserve it.
I've had Rest is Resistance on my nightstand for a while. This is a good nudge to finally read it. I love the lesson/mantra to protect open spaces with ferocity.
I love these lessons so much, I’ll have to go back and read your original post! By the way, how cool that you’ve performed at Symphony Hall in Boston. I make the 3-hour trip south from New Hampshire every time Mahler is on the schedule.