Articulating moments of impact

There’s more to people than what’s on paper

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Whether it’s brokering a quick connection between two people, introducing a talented friend as a guest on my podcast, or sending a note to my kids’ teachers to tell them I see and appreciate their moments of impact, I love shining a light on people’s gifts.

I imagine this is partially connected to a lack of positive feedback as a kid. Not only was it not the era of Everyone Gets a Fucking Medal, but I also struggled in the classroom and thus lacked praise-inducing moments. And as I have heard is the case in many Asian households, my Dad focused on deficits instead of wins. 

You got a 98% on a test? What happened to the other 2%?

(I never got a 98% on a test, by the way, but I did hear this play out with some of my siblings.)

At any rate, because there is more to people than what’s on paper, and because I am deeply curious about people, I always gravitate towards stories, not resume bullets. 

Because there’s always a story.

And I think it means a lot to tell another person how you see them, because unless you are a raging narcissist, most of us don't see ourselves with the same light and love and generosity as others do.

Last night, I attended my friend and former colleague Morra Aarons-Mele’s book launch party for her new title, The Anxious Achiever: Turn Your Biggest Fears Into Your Leadership Superpower. And at this party I was able to share the below thoughts.

I first met Morra in 2010 and our meeting—I later learned—was a great source of anxiety for us both. We were assigned to share car service to an influencer retreat in the Berkshires. I remember thinking, OMG what if this person is horrible and I am stuck in the car with them for several hours? 

We ended up talking nonstop for the entire drive, during which time I kept thinking, holy shit, what an incredible badass human being. 

Less than a year later—in the fall of 2011 after mentioning that I was thinking about stepping up my consulting work—Morra invited me to join her then company of one, Women Online, which by that point she had run for about a year and a half with great success.

Over the decade plus since, Morra and I have been through a lot. We have done a lot of fantastic work for a lot of fantastic clients. We have been pregnant together. Our families have met up for meals. We have dished about life while inhaling bowls of agedashi tofu. We have played tennis together. We trade advice on everything from relationship boundaries to clothing rental to food. Bulbs that she gifted me after a chaotic work stretch rebloom each year along my front walkway.

And she is always among the first to show up for me when the shit gets supremely hard. 

In the past couple of years, as Morra and I have—together and separately—wrestled with all manner of personal and professional turmoil, I have been most struck by how she shows up as a leader. She is as smart and talented as they come, but her key differentiator—in my opinion—is that she makes space to lead with her heart. 

When things get tough, she leans into compassion.

When scarcity threatens, she moves towards generosity and faith even if the numbers may dictate her to do otherwise.

When chaos ensues, she is the first to consider and own her role, instead of assigning blame or lashing out.

And when uncertainty and change is afoot, she acknowledges with vulnerability that she can be both anxious about the current reality but confident in—and hopeful about—the future and about changing the story. And she takes action to make that happen.

Deep challenges offer a unique opportunity to see a person’s gifts and in Morra, I now am able to fully see and comprehend what authentic, courageous, generous, compassionate, impactful, groundbreaking leadership looks like. 

Thank you, Morra, for all you have taught me. I hope everyone who leads in any capacity in life—and I believe that would be all of us—reads your book. We all have a lot to learn from you.

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When Morra followed to deliver her remarks she opened with, “In anxious times we need to lean on love.” She anchored the vulnerable description of her professional journey in a tribute to her husband, Nicco, and his ever-present support of her dreams. It was a beautiful moment of reflection, sharing how she sees him.

May we all find ways to lean on love and affirm the gifts we see in one another.

Endnotes

• I had already starting writing the above tribute for this post when Morra asked if I would introduce her at last night’s event. It was a good thing to be prepared, given that the last time I stood up to give a toast unprepared I completely fell apart!

• We all need reminders that we don’t need to do it all.

• I received so many compliments and questions about the dress I wore last night! I haven’t bought a single piece of clothing since I started clothing rental in October 2022 and I AM LIVING. Less laundry! Less panicking in my closet! Less stuff! It’s so great! It took me a while to get past my baggage to take the plunge (you can hear more about this in this clothing rental episode) but now I am all in. If you want to give it a try, I use Rent The Runway and my code CHRISTINEKRTR will get you 40% off. In the six months I have used the service I have only rented “fancy” things three times. Otherwise, I have used it for work and casual pieces, like this fantastic recent shipment of sweaters and blouses. So fun!