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Since leaving academia for the internet in 2006, I have walked a strange and dissonant line. People assume that I am a Smart Internet Professional because I have a Ph.D., even though I am always clear that my Ph.D. is in music and brain science. In reality, I have become a Smart Internet Professional—launching multiple award-winning projects and businesses over the past 17 years—with no training.
My modus operandi is instinct and scrappiness. I have always figured that if I could learn to code experiments in Matlab at freaking MIT, I can solve any problem.
That said, I haven’t been without my moments of doubt.
The second business I started not long after leaving academia was a digital and print design company called Posh Peacock. I have no design training but I do have a strong instinct and aesthetic about visuals. It all started with a problem I wanted to solve. When my friend Kate was pregnant I helped plan her baby shower and couldn’t find any pre-printed invitations that I liked or that fit what I had in my mind. So I decided to download the 30-day free trial of Adobe Illustrator and see if I could figure out how to create my own vector graphics for the invitations.
LOL.
The learning curve was steep but I was fascinated by Illustrator’s array of menus and possibilities. And I ended up having a knack for design. When friends started to offer to pay me for design services, I was like, OK, I better get a website set up. This was before the boom of interactive stationery design shops like Minted or drag-and-drop website platforms like Squarespace so I was able to code up a simple HTML-based website with ordering capability hooked to PayPal and not feel embarrassed about it. (By today’s standards, it would be embarrassing!)
I ended up getting a good deal of local and national press.
But every now and then, a challenging client or situation would send me into an imposter syndrome spiral. Like any negative human interaction, it was amazing how much one passing comment or email could make me question myself.
After all, I was not a trained designer. I was designing and creating products for people’s biggest life events and milestones out of my home office—which, at the beginning, was a desk in the corner of my dining room. When I was amidst a stressful project, the negative self-talk reared its ugly head.
During one of these episodes, my husband—ever level and rational—suggested that in these moments of self-doubt, I take a look at my digital and print press hits; not for navel gazing purposes but as a reality check.
And so I did. I went back and skimmed through my press hits. With each descriptive of my designs, I felt the knot in my stomach unwind a little bit more.
All of these independent sources couldn’t be wrong, right?
Yes. RIGHT.
It was such a simple yet genius suggestion that I have shared this recommendation with many people over the years.
Whether it’s a kind email, a screenshot of a Slack comment or text, or some other reflection of how others see you, put it in your Greatest Hits file to help you through a moment of self-doubt. And it doesn’t have to be work. It can be anything related to how you showed up as a great neighbor, friend, relative, or community member.
Now, there is another layer to my thinking about the Greatest Hits file that has evolved in recent years.
I think that sometimes, when the spirit moves us, we can provide the material for other people’s Greatest Hits. I tend to have two sources of inspiration for this action.
The first is simple and feel good. Sometimes I just want to let a person know that I have shared something good about them, because I think positive reminders of humanity are a good thing. People are always touched and surprised and I am ever moved by the power of tiny positive moments of connection.
The second is more fiery; say, when I see people try to minimize or gaslight another amazing person. I cannot tolerate shit like that and so I respond with facts and authentic awe and eloquent praise. Presenting assholes with high-road fact-driven Greatest Hits material is my favorite.
I have thoughts I will share in the coming weeks on a related topic—the brave act of asking others how they see you—but in the meanwhile, I want to encourage you to create your Greatest Hits file, and perhaps even fuel someone else’s if you feel so moved.
Because I can tell you from the front lines of attempts to diminish, ignore, and erase my existence and contribution to the world, that it has been very powerful to remind myself of my Greatest Hits, and also take comfort in the very real fact that I am the most qualified person to own my narrative.
P. S. I recommend you tune into this conversation with Nancy Davis Kho on the power of expressing gratitude.
I love this! I’m a long-time teacher who’s feeling very burnt out by everything that educators are dealing with these days. In my email, I keep a folder called “Smile File,” where I save positive emails from colleagues and former students. When I’m having a tough time, rereading those emails is a good reminder of who I really am and how I want to show up in the world.
Gah! I love this so much I can't stand it! I'm already thinking of ways to weave it together with another of my latest projects, though, which is unhooking from the need for outside validation, cultivating a sense that having my own back is enough. Maybe they're each tools we can pull out at different times? I think remembering the impact we've left in the world is such a useful way to keep ourselves on course...