Feeling lonely?

It might be time to crawl out of the hidey-hole

I suspect that many people will relate to the dual state of: A) valuing relationships and human connection, and B) feeling completely fed up with people. 

My tricky spot is when I’m experiencing an imbalance, mired in state B, which sends me deep into my hidey-hole. And that reality—combined with my freelance lifestyle—means that sometimes I emerge from my hidey-hole feeling funky because I’m, well, lonely.

A couple of weeks ago I was in one of these lonely places. And though I took some immediate steps to increase my human contact, last week was a good reminder of the power of energizing (not draining) human connection—or sometimes residual human connection as a result of inanimate objects (stay with me on that one). Below I share examples of connection points that filled me up, in the hope that they might help you figure out next steps if you are in a lonely space.

1. Last week was extra busy since it was tech week for Violet’s theater performance. After confirming with my carpool crew that they would find this tactic helpful, I built a Google sheet to coordinate the carpool circuit for 5 families. I realized that this was satisfying because the system saved us countless frantic texts for the 18 driving legs involved, and it saved on mental load for five women. 

2. I got to talk shop for an hour with my friend Morra. One thing I miss about my Women Online team is regular contact with super smart badass strategic minds. Talking to Morra helped give me fresh perspective, and also inspired me to implement a new boundary in how I set up client contracts, which was very satisfying and has already paid off!

3. I recorded a couple of great podcast episodes; one on developing routines with Sarah Hart-Unger of Best Laid Plans and one on seasonal life edits with Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson of What Fresh Hell. I love interviewing guests for my show and was reminded that it’s even more fun to record when you are talking to fellow podcasters because there are no tech worries!

4. I signed two new fantastic client projects on the same day. Both projects involve working with smart people on important topics and I’m really excited to start solving problems. (Related to being a freelancer, it was also a mood boost to see the FTC ban noncompete agreements.)

5. I took my dear friend Sarah out for lunch for her birthday and there is nothing better than meeting up with a friend where the rapport is always easy. We can talk about minutia or tough things and there is always laughing, real talk, and ease.

6. I received an amazing Rent the Runway shipment and it included an incredible caftan (read: muumuu), which is the aforementioned inanimate object that resulted in a lot of unexpected human connection. I wore it over the weekend and received tons of compliments. Clearly, everyone just needs to start wearing muumuus.

7. I saw Violet shine bright as Nemo in her city theater company’s production of Finding Nemo. I wrote a while back about Violet’s foray into theater and it was incredible to see the culmination of the past couple of months, knowing that good friends and caring adults helped bring her to that point.

8. At the final show on Saturday night, my mom remarked on how I knew so many people, after introducing her to a number of people in line and once we were seated. It made me think back to how different my parents’ lives were—they were so busy with work and their very full household that there was little in the way of social engagements, and they never were able to connect in the community at school events. I feel fortunate to be connected to so many wonderful people in our community.

9. Over the weekend I bumped into a neighbor who was carrying a shovel. They told me they have been nurturing ginkgo trees and were preparing to share one with another neighbor a few houses down. I almost cried when I saw the little planting in the ground.

I know I can be a hidey-hole curmudgeon sometimes. And while I do believe we all deserve to experience whatever state we’re in, when I have moments where I am deep in my hidey-hole, I want to remember to come up for air sooner rather than later. Because the likelihood is high that there will be something good out there.

Violet’s opening scene in Nemo, which I realize is kind of the fish equivalent of a hidey-hole.