Just say yes
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I have always been better at doing than playing. Does this ring true for you, too?
Who knows how much is nature vs. nurture but it is a fact that growing up in an immigrant Korean household of little means, play was not a priority. We didn’t have toys, art supplies, or games until much later in life. I didn’t acquire my first stuffed animal until I was 5, when I was hospitalized for a tonsillectomy. And in a household with seven kids, two adults, and a steady rotation of grandparents and other immigrating relatives, I rarely saw my parents rest. As a kid, the one time I ever saw my mom lie down and nap during the day was when she was laid up with a horrendous case of shingles.
In many ways, life now as a parent is wildly different. I am very much a person in motion but I also spend lots of time sitting and reading or watching TV. Though I am not a great day napper, my kids have, in fact, seen it happen a few times. I often think about how fortunate I am to have the space and privilege to connect with my kids. I remember the strange sensation when Laurel was three years old; my mom was at our apartment helping me out and from my office I paused, my ears perked at an unfamiliar sound. It was the lilting cadence of my mom’s voice as she read Laurel a book. It was my first time hearing her read a children’s story because we never had time for reading when I was a kid.
While I have read countless books with my kids, one thing I have never been good at is play in the traditional sense. I never had the patience to sit on the floor and engage in pretend play with dolls and toys when they were little and I didn’t beat myself up about it. Instead, I found ways to engage them in other activities with a productive end; for example, games while grocery shopping, planting flowers, and of course our big one that has rendered massive life skills and payoff—cooking and baking together. By around 10 or 11 both of my kids could follow and execute a recipe on their own start to finish. It’s pretty freaking great.
This is still how we roll. Even now, one of Violet’s favorite activities is to bake together. And just last week when she had a summer day with nothing to do, our form of play was also an errand I needed to do—a scavenger hunt at a local nursery to help me hunt down 9 medicinal herb plants for my #gloriouswitch garden bed, which ended up being super fun.
That said, despite everything I have learned over the last year in my intentional work on rest, I’m still a work in progress. Last weekend we headed to Maine for a too-short two-day stint. We have a summer tradition of spending time with our beloved friends Anne and Michael and their two wonderful kids. Our girls have grown up together but this year the two college kids (one theirs, one ours) were off working and traveling. Even so, the trip was delightful, largely guided by Violet’s bucket list, which included things like going to the beach, getting lemonade, having a fire for s’mores, going to the candy store, and paddle boarding. And I did sink into rest and play on my terms. For example…
I’m not as much a fan of getting in the ocean as watching my loved ones splash in the ocean so I sat on the beach with a huge smile on my face watching my family and friends body surf some incredible post-storm waves. (It occurs to me that the one time I ever saw my parents play was in the waves at a rare beach day in Duxbury, MA…maybe that is where part of this particular joy comes from.)
I delighted in Anne’s food prep and execution. This may sound weird but as an avid cook, one of my favorite things is seeing how other avid cooks roll so I can glean inspiration. These pulled pork taco bowls were phenomenal.
I delighted in making a meal for our friends. Our tradition is I do Korean night and I used several recipes from this Korean dinner menu.
We played games. And by a shocking stroke of luck with my route cards, I won a round of Ticket to Ride.
We enjoyed lovely drinks and so many laughs with our friends. It felt like actual medicine.
We paddle boarded and were still laughing at the end, even though nature defied tidal convention and both directions felt difficult!
I’m not a huge s’mores fan so I didn’t eat s’mores but I sure did delight in the fire and the collective joy around the fire.
And notably, after about six invitations from Violet to make Perler bead art I finally said yes. We used to have Perler beads around when the girls were little but the templates were tiny. Our friends had giant tubs of beads and large templates that made all sort of creative pursuits possible. Many amazing creations were made over that weekend and this Snoopy I made makes me smile every time I see it.
Thanks for inviting me to play, Violet. I’ll say yes sooner next time.
I love this. And I love Ticket to Ride.
I feel this. Hugs...