Keep freaking going
The roll is slow, but the times are changing
I realize that Aziz Ansari is a controversial figure, but he has a standup bit to which I responded, OMG YES THIS LOLOLOL, when I first heard it years ago because he nails a super basic, pop-culture driven way to explain representation (or lack thereof) in films.
Asian representation in films has been limited or just plain horrible (think Long Duck Dong in Sixteen Candles). Indeed, in his recent SAG Awards Acceptance Speech, Ke Huy Quan—the Vietnamese-American actor who played Short Round in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and Data in The Goonies—said he stepped away from acting due to lack of opportunities.
Yes, as a newly feeling person, I sobbed my eyes out watching Quan’s speech.
And recently, closer to home—from both a geographical and personal experience perspective—I sat teary and in awe as I watched Hamilton in Boston with my sister and 11-year-old daughter. Why? Those familiar with Hamilton know that this show blew open the doors for representation on stage. But I did not know until I looked at my Playbill before the show started that a Korean (Marcus Choi) would proceed to crush a lead role (George Washington).
I pretty much lost my fucking mind.
One of my Mom’s favorite childhood stories about me is that I memorized the entire Annie soundtrack, sang it on repeat around the house, and proclaimed, “I will be the first Asian Annie on Broadway!” I was definitely born with a performance gene.
But when I began auditioning for roles in school plays, it soon became clear that I was never, ever going to get a part beyond the chorus. I’m not saying that I was the best actor, singer, or dancer in the bunch, but I was, in fact, capable of all of those things and there was no burgeoning Amy Adams in the mix. (Adams is an actress who displays her acting, singing, and dancing prowess in Enchanted, which, btw, OMG Marcus Choi was a dancer in!)
The reality was, not only was casting non-white people in typically white roles incomprehensible, but the times were such that even when our school put on South Pacific—the only show during my high school years that involved AAPI characters—the AAPI roles went to white kids.
My performance gene was instead nurtured via a more stereotypical trajectory. I found my spotlight through solo violin recitals in college, where I only felt joy—never stage fright—when it was time to roll.
I no longer play violin and my dreams of being on stage are long gone, though I do periodically fantasize about the spotlight. To whit, when I got back from Hamilton, my husband asked if I imagined myself on stage during the show and I was like, OF COURSE I DID.
And though the theatrical ship has sailed, I recently was reminded that there are many ways to create change and shift that spotlight around for collective benefit.
A few weeks ago, I shared on the Edit Your Life Instagram account about an amazing, magical, unplanned first: that I had published three Asian guest interviews in less than one month—The Power of Curiosity (with my Mom, Rachel Koh!), Healing Through Expression (with Kristen Mei Chase), and How To Prioritize Romance & Connection (with Thien-Kim Lam). And just last week I launched another Asian guest interview, Thriving In Midlife (with Lizzie Bermudez).
After sharing that graphic, I received a listener message that said, “I am 42 and can finally see some of myself reflected in pop culture. Wow. Amazing.” (The below screenshot is shared with their permission.)
To hear someone else reflect back the impact of representation, based on something that I created, meant the world to me. I may have never realized my stage dreams, but to have a platform where I can both represent as an AAPI voice, amplify diverse voices, and help people feel seen feels pretty damned good.
In his SAG Award speech, the wonderful and eloquent Ke Huy Quan shared through his tears, “To all those at home who are watching, who are struggling and waiting to be seen, please keep on going because the spotlight will one day find you.”
Indeed. Keep freaking going.
Endnotes
Things have felt difficult and chaotic the past few weeks and I have been turning to humor for relief. Related to the above essay, Jim Gaffigan’s Asian American comedy set has some funny bits re: being a white fish out of water.
March seemed like a great month to start a new creative project LOL. Yesterday I launched a new short-form extension of the Edit Your Life podcast. The Mini Edit is short, snackable episodes during which I answer listener questions. I hope you will check it out!
Looking for a moment of creative delight? This past weekend my 11-year-old suggested we try making a mirror glaze cake and OMG baking therapy is real! Check out this video of coating the cake in the mirror glaze. So fun.
