The power of noticing the little things
4 ways to step in and shift your patterns and actions
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I’ve been thinking a lot about noticing patterns lately as it relates to the little things. For example, there’s the way we quickly notice—and likely perseverate on—negative things such as dirty socks left in the middle of the living room, a quick yet clueless text from a friend, a brief grievance out in the world. And there’s also the flip side, where we don’t notice things and miss out on opportunities to engage in small words or actions that signal your care for another person.
How we choose to notice and act feels especially crucial right now. Many of us are angry, scared, or in red alert mode, and while you might be thinking, “OMG Christine, please do not give me another thing to pay attention to!”—in which case I want you to know that I see and hear you and am sending a virtual hug in solidarity—the reality is, I believe that the best way we can show up for ourselves and our relationships is through the small things within our sphere of agency. (For more on this, see these recent posts that are resonating with folks: 7 tiny things to do when you are just…MEH and 8 ways to prioritize community.)
Here are four reasons I feel that noticing can help us infuse more care and create more spaciousness in your life. I share these ideas and stories with an invitation to step in and shift your noticing patterns and subsequent actions.
1. Noticing can reduce another person’s burden (and hey, maybe even help dismantle the patriarchy)
In a recent conversation with
on moving past people pleasing, Amy noted:We're told that all the overwhelmed person has to do is give very explicit instructions and make a list of things for other people to do, and that would be sufficient—that response, “I'm happy to help if you just tell me what to do.” And where I landed with my family is, I want you to notice. I want you to notice when we're out of dog food, when the water filter is blinking and needs to be changed. This stuff isn't that hard. So don't give back to me that I'm just better at it. It's not hard, it's just the noticing.
Amy nailed it. The burdens women carry in household systems are nothing new—the patriarchy is trying to keep itself intact for a reason. And while the ideal, of course, is for other people to start noticing imbalances in responsibility and stepping in, another reality Amy and I talked about is that if you are characteristically the responsible one, there is pretty much zero motivation for people around you to change because all the things are getting done. So, if you find yourself in a situation as Amy lays out above, feel free to text, email, or say, “I want you to notice. I want you to notice when [insert situation]. This stuff isn't that hard. So don't give back to me that I'm just better at it. It's not hard, it's just the noticing.” Thank you, Amy, for this script!
2. Noticing can show someone you see and care for them
In December I shared on Instagram about how I received an insulting email about my podcast and decided to flip the script and share about some people and things that have lifted my spirits. In the comments, a listener shared a very kind comment that led to an exchange about a baking item I wanted to try but hadn’t gotten around to ordering.
About a week after I shared that post I received an unexpected package from my dear friend and former work wife
. She noticed the above exchange in Instagram comments and ordered me a bottle of Fiori di Sicilia; I stood in my kitchen, actually feeling enveloped in a dose of Asha love. Any residual bad mojo that may have been lingering from the original unpleasant email I dealt with was effectively wiped out by the smell of citrus vanilla and thinking about Asha’s sweet face. Asha, thank you for noticing in the incredible way you do. You should know that my holiday thumbprint cookies were vastly improved with your kind gift.Noticing of course doesn’t need to be about buying people things—it can also be simple acts like sharing caring words or making someone a cup of their favorite tea.
3. Noticing can help you let go of aggravations not worthy of your energy
Back in December I talked to
about intentional living tactics. During this conversation I asked Shira the million dollar question about how to get families on board with keeping things tidy. She pointed out that while yes, of course people in a household system need to be responsible for things, it is also the case that she is the person in her house most invested in tidiness and order. She has realized that in some cases, there are quick, small actions that may be important to her and no one else, and that these actions aren’t worth creating friction over.That comment helped me notice some small moments where I found myself aggravated by small things that didn’t matter that much and to shift accordingly. For example, one thing that used to bug me is dirty dishes left on the counter above the dishwasher when the dishwasher has plenty of room. That said, I am also the person who rearranges the dishwasher when other people load it (sound familiar?!). And so, I decided that if there are dirty dishes and cups on the counter, I’ll just take 20 seconds to sweep it all into the dishwasher per my preferred system and not bother with the aggravation. Total game changer.
4. Noticing can help you be more of this world
In my post Season of noticing, I shared about how my transition from 150 to 45 mph after making my big leap into uncertainty created space for me to engage in a remarkable season of noticing. In that post I share a number of small delights and the stories behind them. I feel like our ability to notice the tiny seemingly mundane moments in the everyday helps anchor us and be more of this world. We need this more than ever right now as a way to manage the overwhelm and stress of life.
I think noticing can be our collective superpower. If you give it a try this week, I’d love to hear how things pan out.
P.S. Related to the larger scale, dumpster-fire level of noticing, thanks to my friend
I just downloaded the 5 Calls app, which makes it incredibly easy to engage in 5-minute advocacy. Simply plug in your zip code and the app serves up top issues with descriptive information, who to call, the number, and a script.