Manifesting the future amidst sandwich generation uncertainty

I'm making midlife prepping a thing

May 06, 2025

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If you are a member of Team Sandwich Generation, your brain actively occupies space and deals with all manner of logistics and emotions across three generations.

It’s exhausting just thinking about three-generation mental/emotional load, not to mention the reality that midlife women are minimized in so many ways while carrying said hefty mental load, while also dealing with major physical changes and uncertainties. (I, for one, was all pumped because just the other week I thought, OMG is this it? Am I finally on the road to menopause and done with periods? And then HA HA HA NO LOL, hello again, period.)

Anyway, I’m no Pollyanna, but it is the case that my Team Sandwich Generation membership has led me to think a lot about how to manifest the future in my midlife years. I can’t control when my period decides to exit stage left, but I do have agency about a whole lot else. There are two overarching cross-generational things on my mind related to how I want to show up in life right now:

I want to cultivate and model joy, purpose, and togetherness with my kids in their fleeting years at home. Yes, I want them to feel cared for and seen, and I want them to see what purposeful living looks like—to view adulthood not as something to be terrified by, but as a time of incredible possibility.
I want to make choices and take measures to take care of myself now to best prepare myself for my later years, not only in terms of my health but also so I’m not mired in—and miring my kids in—adulting crap in my later years.

Who knows what is chicken and what is egg, but two recent Edit Your Life interviews have also contributed to my thinking in this domain.

First, in a conversation with Dr. Ken Ginsburg (see also this companion post about teenagers), I love that he talks about the idea of committing to raising kids with an eye towards who they will be as a 35-year-old. When Laurel is 35 I will be 66, and when Violet is 35 I will be 72. It’s exciting to think about them being full-fledged adults, and me being in a different, non-work-centric phase of life.

Second, in a conversation with

Meagan Francis

(How To Let Kids Go and Embrace What’s Next), we talked about being excited for our granny/matriarch eras. Meagan encouraged people to think about what you want your family life to look like when you’re in that era.

I decided to jot down some ideas for what I want my life to look like starting 15 to 20 years from now, with the lens of how I can fuel those realities now. I hope you will join me in this quick exercise; it gave me a lot of joy to think about the future! Also, I recommend jotting down the topline ideas quickly in order to avoid overthinking and/or prevent the inner critic that may wish to dictate what later adulthood “should” look like from coloring your thoughts. I literally closed my eyes and asked myself, “What do I want my everyday life to look like when I’m in my 60s, 70s, and 80s?” and allowed images to form.

1. Gatherings with wonderful company, yummy food, and lots of laughs

The very first image that came to mind when I asked myself the above question was visions of hanging out with Jon and our adult kids—and their partners and kids if they decide to go that route—around a table, enjoying yummy food and lots of laughs. Whether it’s snacks or a full meal, food has always been a major way we anchor and connect as a family and with friends and I want this to remain a central piece of how we live and connect.

Also, if you are a parent of younger kids, hang on! Once we got out of the weeds of early parenthood—during which we experienced the usual stress about aversion to vegetables, in addition to learning about life threatening food allergies—mealtimes got a whole lot more fun. We delight in cooking and baking together, coming together at the table or breakfast bar, and all the chatting that happens along the way. This is something we enjoy in the present, so it’s not an area to work on, but clearly, I will be prioritizing it in the future.

2. An active physical life

Like many working adults, I spend too many hours sitting at my desk. I am acutely aware of how the body can decline with age, and I am pretty much working to channel my 88-year-old mother—who, alongside my grandmother, is my adulting muse. While I used to be a person who set fitness goals and ran races, including a few half marathons, now I care about functional fitness. I want to be able to garden, carry groceries, lift and chase grandchildren (if my kids choose that path), walk up and down stairs with ease, haul firewood, travel and be able to toss my carry-on luggage in the overhead bin, etc.

If your work ties you to a desk, there’s no way around it—you need to be proactive. The main ways I am working on manifesting a future active physical life is lots of everyday walking (alone, with my dog, through social meetups with friends), my rowing/strength classes (I’m especially happy to have strength training in my routine now), doing household chores (e.g., going up and down the stairs to do laundry, scrubbing the shower, hauling heavy groceries, taking out the trash and recycling) with the knowledge that while these chores aren’t exactly fun, continuing to do them helps keep me active, and—let’s be plain—not letting gender norms get in the way of me choosing to do things like lift and move heavy crap, do yardwork, or split wood.

3. Way less screen time

Though I love working—and am tremendously grateful to do great work and earn money—my work means I stare at screens so much. I am really looking forward to a phase of life where my screen time will be more recreational in nature and otherwise I will be in and of the world—in nature, out in my community, traveling.

I am taking care of myself now and manifesting this future by being on social media a hell of a lot less, opting for tactile hobbies, doing anything and everything other than doomscrolling, and opting for in person vs. online when it comes to things like shopping.

4. Being of service

Right now my life is very much “work a lot, volunteer a little.” That is okay (and financially necessary) for now, but I am looking forward to doing more volunteering (I recently signed up to volunteer at my local library as a start), sitting on boards, and mentoring.

Speaking of service and since I mentioned my mom as my muse, it’s worth noting that just last week she sent me an adorable picture of her and two church members, in reflective gear, doing trash pick up in Dorchester (a neighborhood of Boston). I mentioned she is 88, right? Also, she looks so happy holding her trash receptacle and tongs. It was a total mood boost. (Sorry I can’t share the photo with you!)

5. Caring, uncomplicated relationships

I am dealing with a lot of complicated relationships these days and maybe this sounds like fantasy, but I would love for my life as an older person to be centered on caring, uncomplicated relationships.

I do think that the fact that I love spending time with my husband and teen/young adult kids, and the fact that I have several friends with whom I would gladly live in a commune, are good signs! I am continuing to nurture these caring, uncomplicated relationships in the present with deep gratitude.

As someone who used to be driven by work and accolades, I love how not about work and accolades this list is. It makes me excited about my future as an older person, and tuned to showing up with awareness and intention in the present. If you end up jotting down some ideas and feel like sharing them, I would love to hear from you.

P.S. I thought it would be helpful to share some Edit Your Life episodes related to self-care as well as caregiving.

Finally, for inspiration, here’s a recent photo of me and my Mom at HMART. As I mentioned, she is 88 years old and I often tell her that her schedule is busier than mine. What a gift.