Timely as my son finishes his first year of college cross country. I also parent from this place of trust without assuring metrics most of the time lately. I realize I am often walking around with angst because I want proof that good things are happening. I feel like I hear from my kids when they are sick, uncertain, disappointed, but I don’t get as many of the celebrations and sometimes wondering if they are also there. How wonderful that you have this communicator who wants to share the details. Lately I’ve been feeling with another kid’s second sickness in weeks I have been trusting and maybe it’s actually more lazy on my part because he isn’t taking care of himself! It’s hard to strike a balance.
Thank you for writing this- I definitely needed it. As a daughter of immigrants and the mother of a toddler, I think deeply and often about how to raise my daughter to focus on being a good person, and not associating good grades with being a good human. It is a dump truck full of unlearning and being cognizant of what I say, but reading about another Asian parent focusing on something other than her kids becoming doctors and lawyers and getting straight As is refreshing.
I feel like witnessing our children’s evolution is akin to recognizing the existence of fairies... like weirdly magical? Thank you for naming what I’ve been feeling as I drop my kid off at middle school every morning. I just have to *trust* that he will eat something, drink water, do enough work to get the grade he hopes for but goof off enough to deepen his bond with friends. Know that he will make mistakes, but hope that they will stay within the bounds of what feels manageable... 😅 How can we fortify and build up this trust (or faith?) muscle as parents? I’m going to be thinking about this and maybe explore in a future Substack... So important, thank you! ❤️
Timely as my son finishes his first year of college cross country. I also parent from this place of trust without assuring metrics most of the time lately. I realize I am often walking around with angst because I want proof that good things are happening. I feel like I hear from my kids when they are sick, uncertain, disappointed, but I don’t get as many of the celebrations and sometimes wondering if they are also there. How wonderful that you have this communicator who wants to share the details. Lately I’ve been feeling with another kid’s second sickness in weeks I have been trusting and maybe it’s actually more lazy on my part because he isn’t taking care of himself! It’s hard to strike a balance.
Thank you for writing this- I definitely needed it. As a daughter of immigrants and the mother of a toddler, I think deeply and often about how to raise my daughter to focus on being a good person, and not associating good grades with being a good human. It is a dump truck full of unlearning and being cognizant of what I say, but reading about another Asian parent focusing on something other than her kids becoming doctors and lawyers and getting straight As is refreshing.
I feel like witnessing our children’s evolution is akin to recognizing the existence of fairies... like weirdly magical? Thank you for naming what I’ve been feeling as I drop my kid off at middle school every morning. I just have to *trust* that he will eat something, drink water, do enough work to get the grade he hopes for but goof off enough to deepen his bond with friends. Know that he will make mistakes, but hope that they will stay within the bounds of what feels manageable... 😅 How can we fortify and build up this trust (or faith?) muscle as parents? I’m going to be thinking about this and maybe explore in a future Substack... So important, thank you! ❤️
Beautifully written as always.